Devil Within Me...

Last night I couldnt sleep well, I was awake till 3 in the morning, there were many things that were disturbing me. Last week was one of most horrible weeks of ma life. I Shouted on ma Parents, I Misbehaved wid ma Colleagues, I dint took any of my Friends call. I was almost out of ma mind completely.... Over Last nite I gave a thought why actually all that Bad happened to me.

I analyzed, it was simply due to Tiredness, things I dint expect to happen but happend, and hence made me to loose temper.

Overcrowded trains, Less Salary, and an desperate break from routine life led to my all those Misbehave. I don't know if this happens only wid me or happens wid generation, I freak out my temper on some1 else, rather than to who actually the Culprit is.

Overcrowded train in the last Evening, led me to talk Hard to my Mom and asking her to leave ma Room and lemme Sleep. I although realize at the same moment, but you cant control as you are in the tempt of anger and Abusiveness. Words Speak Harder than Actions. Those hurt too much, I understand and feel the same.

Ideal mind is also an Villian to me, It takes me to those extremes which I never expect for. Comparison with other frnds in terms of Sal & Roles, Abusing my Leads for the stupid IT we do in our org. and in the stupid way we do actually(Policies and Coding Standard exists).

"Karna Padta Hai" often leads to an Frustration... Karna Padta Hai, mean Copying and doing Those Stuffs which leads ask to do, even if those Statements doesnt hold any Justification... Team Lead needs it to be that way, leaves developer with no Creativity in code and no boldness to handle complex tasks. And hence an Confident Indiviual is suppressed.

I cannot live Life as per Directions, and just to gonna impress any beauty. Generation too say "Who Cares". We set our own attitude and style... My ex Sr.mgr made a statement long back, "Abusing some1 @ his back is one of the most simplest thing one can do to release anger". I do agree with it and I often apply whole heartedly. Although there is hardly any1 on earth who has never been abused at his back, Even GOD is not spared with this.

There are so many Problems we come across daily, but those problems cant be shared coz some of them are due to individual perception, or some are so common that cannot be shared openly. Those hidden Problems within Me sometime lead to Silence, no Communication within ma Frnds, keeping mum most of times, almost takes me out of Social Network.

I have Realized All these Problems do have a solution. But achieving Solution needs Patience and extreme courage to say Sorry to, I did so wid ma Mom. Best practice that I do to Overcome my problems, is to give time to myself in Silence, Sit back for hours on the Sea side and speak out with oneself. Abuse people who are not so important in life. Communicate with older and loved ones. I tried with Beer and Smoke once in ma Life, but dat dint worked as any solution. I dont recommend either.

Actually I spoke of hidden devils within all, these devils grow due to jealousy, desires, tempt for more, desperate Break from Regular Life, etc etc. I dont recommend Meditation or Yoga, but its independent call what one wanna do with their own life , how do one wanna take those devils ahead.... Its WE only who feed such devils inside..............